Now at first glimpse this blog seems ever so slightly depressing. Well it has those moments, but luckily it's got that great education ending that so many other teachers go through. Three days ago I was tested, more than I have ever been while learning to become a teacher. I was teaching a drama class, and I wasn't getting anything back. Let me correct that, I was getting a lot back from them, but it wasn't what I was hoping for. Now hindsight, being what it is, I have been able to look back on that lesson and analyze the actual issues, but in the moment, all I felt was dread, despair, and depressed about my chances of ever becoming a functional teacher. That's right, one single instance completely ruined me. And being the over dramatic type that I am I went straight to the bottom, without passing GO. Why do we do that? Why when so many positives are occurring daily, does one little thing pose the question of whether this profession is for you? This may be a pre-service teacher question. We are in the horrible limbo of being a teacher to students, but a student to the teaching. Second guessing our choices and changing around the constructive feedback, into negative criticisms instead of the learning experiences they are meant to be. I have been finding out all of my weaknesses and ignoring that I have strengths, not a very healthy way of surviving school, but nobody said I was perfect, except my mom, and she doesn't count (or does she?).
I completed the rest of my day of teaching with no one else the wiser to how I was struggling. Lessons were taught and learning was done, by my students. That is what I needed to focus on, and everyone else who finds themselves in a similar struggle. Day by day, step by step, no one ever walks into teaching knowing all the answers and finding all the solutions for difficult classes. One of my profs, says the tougher the class the greater the gift for a new teacher. You learn the most, when there are those around you holding the net, in case you fall. So with no more fanfare, I close off another week with a smile on my face and a new drive in my heart. Sure I struggled but just like another little red head once said "The sun'll come out tomorrow", and my class will have already forgotten how horrible, I thought, I was. So thus ends my subtle blog, telling myself to just "Suck it Up".